


Alone Together

by Auwynn



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, M/M, and Levi is a sweetheart of course, maybe some ooc, poor Eren has been deceived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 03:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2606675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auwynn/pseuds/Auwynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want to spend my birthday with you and only you."</p><p>Quite the surprise for Eren. However, not exactly how the evening went. And Levi isn't even to blame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone Together

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a vent, but since I thought it was good enough an idea to post here, well... yeah, here it is.  
> I'm not sure just how OOC I went with Eren but at this point, it doesn't really matter.
> 
> It's not my best work but I hope you like it. :)

_*beep* *beep*_

I waved my arm on top of my bedside table and found I had flinged my alarm clock all the way across my bedroom. _Great, it's the third one this month_.

Groaning at the pain tugging at the back of my head, I sat up, ran a hand through my hair and tried to assess yesterday's events from the state I was in.

My breath smelled of wine and vodka. _I got drunk_. Very _drunk._ My hair smelled of smoke and pot. _I was out with people?_ I slept in outside clothes. _Who did I go out with that I even bothered to pull out my clean and ironed shirt for_ _—_

I was out at a bar yesterday, with Hanji, Erwin and... Levi. The thought of his face, even just his name was enough to turn my confused face in a mess of frowning eyebrows and a pair of sulky, pouty lips. Yesterday was his birthday, and he decided to spend it with the three of us at a bar, four hours in the asphyxiating smoke cloud of a dozen patrons, slowly burning they lungs away like the tip of their cigarettes. He thought it would be fine to spend the last few hours of his birthday in a smoke room, getting wasted and forgetting about his worries. He thought I wouldn't mind if we had gone with Hanji and Erwin. He thought I had forgotten about how he wanted to spend his birthday with _me_.

I was looking forward to it. I used up what little money I spared for my personal luxury to buy him a bottle of his favorite whiskey, and a limited edition of Depeche Mode's latest album, his favorite band. I wanted to give him his presents yesterday, but never got to it because Erwin and Hanji barged in on us and dragged us to a bar. Now they're just sitting on my desk, waiting to be used, most likely not gifted. How lame.

He spent all of yesterday texting me, almost showing giddiness at the thought of spending his birthday only with me, and perhaps deception when he remembered Hanji would try to at least trample down all of his plans to impose hers on him and anyone who cared to join.

I wasn't so eager about getting drunk and wasted on his birthday, or on anyone's birthday really. Passing out wasn't my favorite activity, albeit I liked drinking. It made me feel lighter, less worried, say _happier_. I could forget about my conviction that Levi could never reciprocate my feelings for him, about how shitty my life was in this tiny apartment rented with the minimum wage I earned working at Urban Outfitters. It helped get over the stress of exams and college, how I couldn't get past a C in all of my classes no matter how much I worked, except when I worked with Levi. He somehow managed to get the best out of my poor concentration and retention skills, and earned me a B+ average on my midterms.

Levi. He was already a sophomore when I started college here. I don't even remember how we met and became friends, but I distinctly remember his catching my attention every single day after I first saw him. He managed to stand out and blend in with the crowd at the same time, and I could never figure out why. It wasn't the way he dressed, or how he held himself, or how he talked to people, or barely showed emotion or too many at a time. I wasn't any of it and all of that at the same time.

And he understood me. He understood the way my mind twisted itself almost on cue as soon as I felt remotely satisfied with my life, so he often tried to distract me by taking me out for an aimless walk. He understood my Friday evenings spent mulling over the loss of my parents, so he came over and kept me company until I greeted sleep with a grin across my lips.

He said he didn't want to fall for anyone, or for anyone to like him at all. He didn't want anyone to break his heart anymore, because he had had enough of taping it together to watch it crumble apart shortly after. He didn't want to break anyone's heart either, so he made himself as unavailable and unreachable as possible.

Despite all of that, he still opened himself up to me, told me everything that was on his mind when it bothered him. I still wonder why he started doing that. Am I really that special to his eyes? Or did I just happen to be one of the few people he could relate to, so he poured everything out onto me? I told myself not to fall for him, not to be so vulnerable as to like someone when my life was such a mess. It didn't stop me, though. _So much for trying, you fucking idiot..._

But I can't help it. First, he nudged his way into my thoughts, ever so slowly. I would walk around campus and catch a glimpse of him, then turn aroud to see someone else who looked nothing like him. After a few weeks, he made his way into my dreams. A night doesn't pass where I don't see him in my sleep, where he's either the main character or my sidekick.

"I'm actually really starting to hate alcohol right now," I said outloud as I ran a hand on my face, more to give the statement life than expect a response from anyone. I lived alone after all.

"You're the one who was drinking like a soon-to-be amputee yesterday, don't blame it on the booze."

If I hadn't been so sedated from passing out and being tired to the bone, I would have jumped out the bed and fallen facefirst on the floor. "Jesus fuck, Levi, how did you even get in..." I brought my hands up to my forehead and pressed on it, trying to suppress the flashing hot pain.

"You gave me a copy of your keys. I know how to open locks without one anyway. But that's not the point, what's going on with you?" He came in, pulled out the chair at my desk and sat on it, facing me with a quizzical look and an arched eyebrow. "So?"

"Wait... what time is it even?" "Almost three in the fucking afternoon, Eren."

I fell back on my pillow with a grunt, hands still on my face. Why was he even here? "I sent you a dozen texts and you didn't even receive them. I was worried you'd done something stupid again so came to check up on you."

I hurriedly got back into a sitting position and shuffled through the mess on my night table to find my phone, tucked away between a textbook and a pair of boxers. _Mental note that I should take my boxers off less violently in the future._

_15 messages from 2 conversations._

I pulled on the WhatsApp notification instead of opening the messages, not wanting to appear online to any of my friends.

 _Levi: Fuck it, I'm coming over.  
Levi: Eren.  
Levi: Answer me.  
Armin: Lunch at Friday's tomorrow?  
Levi: What the fuck are you doing?  
Levi: Eren, I don't want to waste any balance on...  
Levi: I'm sorry. Call me whenever you wake...  
_...

  
It seems he really did care enough to bombard me with messages once every 30 minutes. I still couldn't wash down the bitter taste of deception from yesterday, made worse by all the overthinking my wasted brain took part in, yesterday. I mumbled something under my breath, words that I couldn't even make out for myself, and fell back on the pillow, turning my back towards Levi to tuck my face into a corner of my thick blanket. If it didn't work at making him disappear, at least I couldn't see him anymore.

"Eren, don't be an idiot, I'm still here." I could feel his annoyed stare pierce through my flesh and bones, very unpleasantly. But I didn't want to answer him, he would keep talking either way, so I'd rather save up my energy to block his voice out of my mind than give in and answer him. I heard him shuffle on the chair, guessing he was probably running his right hand over his face, as he usually does when he is tired or annoyed. Right now, he might as well be both.

"Are you pissed off at me?" he asked with a low voice, sitting so still I could have sworn I heard his heart skip a beat.

"I don't want to see you or talk to you right now. Leave." My voice has an unexpected touch of rigidness, not even anger or deception. Just a flat, loud order. I tucked the blanket around me and dove even deeper inside it. "So I did piss you off," he sighed. "What did I do?" I let his words float around in the air, bothered by the fact that he blamed himself, by the fact that I couldn't pardon him, by the fact that I was annoyed with the worst person, him of all people.

A few seconds passed, or a few minutes, it could have been an hour. None of us moved, making up for immobility with the chaos in our minds. I couldn't tell what he was thinking about, but I knew it wasn't anything happy. Levi isn't stupid. He knows what annoyed me about yesterday, but he still wants to hear me say it. I know that much. But I don't want to talk, especially not about my feelings. It's my worst nightmare, definitely not my strongest point. And he's aware of that.

I felt the knot swell up in my throat, and I couldn't swallow anymore. I was overheating under my blanket, but I didn't want to move. It would show weakness, reluctance to stand my ground. Fragility.

And then he spoke.

"I know you're pissed off about yesterday, and I'm sorry about that. I told you I wanted to celebrate my birthday with you, so it could be just the two of us but you know how Hanji is... I couldn't help it. And you were too drunk to spend the rest of the night with. As for Erwin," he stopped to chuckle and reposition himself, "they always hang out together, that couldn't be helped either. I'm really sorry if that made you feel awkward, I saw how you were acting yesterday and it made me feel even worse. Thank fuck for alcohol or I would've died of a panic attack if not...

"You already know I used to date Erwin, I didn't feel all that good about having that reminder around for my fucking birthday. Last thing I wanted was the first person who broke my heart, _tch_ , trust me. I'm not going to be an oblivious fuck either, I know why you didn't appreciate his presence around, _you like me_ , I know that."

My heart sank down to my feet. Was I really being that obvious about it? I thought I had managed to conceal whatever feelings I had for him, so he wouldn't have to endure me as a burden. I enjoyed him too much as a friend to go back to being strangers, although it certainly feels like I've known him forever. I sighed, my breath quivering as it left my lungs. As I was about to retaliate, he continued.

"I would be lying to the both of us if I said I didn't feel the same. I never wanted to, mind you, but I couldn't help it. You're so hard not to like, you piece of... anyway. Stop being such a kid and turn around, I came here to see your face, not your bed covers, come on."

With yet another grunt, I gave in and sat up, legs tangled in my sheets and hair covering my face. "Why didn't you say so, then? Why leave me hanging for so long?" I looked at him, trying to read his expression, until at last he burst out into a laughter that shook him for a good three minutes. "Why? Ah, you're so young and naive, way too precious to break. I _left you hanging_ for that long because I didn't want to hurt myself, and you. I'm not easy to be around, you know that better than anybody. I don't want to have to end up leaving you because I won't be able to deal with myself anymore, it has happened more than once and has yet to _not_ sting like a bitch. I don't want to break your heart, I like you too much to do that."

This newly acquired piece of knowledge should have relieved me somehow, but it only made me feel worse. He's been holding back for reasons so stupid it almost made me want to laugh. But I couldn't, of course. The knot in my throat was still too tight for me to relax.

"What the fuck are you babbling about? I'm not just some puppy who will starve to death because you didn't feed me enough love. I know you enough to know what to do when you have your _moments_ , how to make you feel better, what distance to keep with you when you need to be on your own. I'm not stupid, I've been paying attention to you for the past few months with good reason, I had too much hope that one day I would be able to call you mine." All the while I poured my thoughts onto him I watched his face go from looking amused to very concerned. He got up and started walking towards my bed, his eyes still locked on mine. I started getting even more distressed than I did before, trying to think of some sort of apology to make up for whatever nonsense I just spilled out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say any of tha--" And in less than a millisecond, he was kissing me. But it wasn't the shy, beginner's type of kiss. No. It was like a tempest, a tornado that just burst into my face without warning. Levi's delicate hands were tightly gripping my jaws, his breath ragged and forced through his nose, his knee pushed between my legs, violently and gently at the same time. I feel like I've just been caught in the middle of a cyclone and I can't catch my breath. But I didn't hold back. I was kissing him back, I had to, because I didn't know what that meant, if he did it on a whim just to blame himself for the next few weeks. So I kissed him back, savored the warmth of his touch, the taste of his tongue, still too shy to know what to do of my hands, if I should put them around his neck or against his chest. So I let them hang limp at my sides, eyes clasped and waiting for it to end.

"I swear to God, you talk too much sometimes," he exhaled between two heavy breaths. And I couldn't help but smile, bite my lower lip and stare at him. His cheeks had flushed, and his pupils were dilated, restlessly jolting, going back and forth between my own eyes and my lips. He was smiling, a sight even more breathtaking than the first time I'd seen his lips quiver into a smirk. "I knew you had it in you, to take me in and handle me without letting yourself get hurt. I just... I was still scared. Too scared to admit that I wouldn't be able to let go of you, because _fuck_ , you're addictive." His right hand was still rested on my jaw, thumb slowly caressing my cheekbone. "And you really stink of alcohol."

I laughed, nervously, happily, I don't know, but I laughed and it relieved me. The weight on my chest melted away and I could finally breathe. "And I've been wanting to do this for so long..." Slowly, he pushed me on my back, his knee still between my hips, and kissed me again, softer this time. And longer.

 ***

A few moments later, if minutes or hours I couldn't possibly tell, we were under my blanket, legs tangled as our arms, slowly dozing off in the warmth of each other, like two birds on a cold winter morning. I could feel Levi was on the verge of falling asleep, his face coiled in my neck. He squirmed a little to reposition himself, a faint moan escaping his lips. Then he looked up and at me.

"Eren?"  
"Hm, what?"  
"I really fucking like you."


End file.
